3 (Fixable) Mistakes Keeping You From Getting Your Ex Back
Few things feel worse than going through a breakup. Those feelings are compounded when you’re the dumpee and not the dumper. The immediate and lingering effects can be catastrophic to one’s feeling of self-worth. Some people take years to fully recover from the emotional toll of a breakup. Others never recover at all.
To avoid the emotional turmoil of a breakup, your first instinct will be to try and save the relationship. Sometimes this is a bad idea because the relationship truly isn’t right for you, and you’re better off alone or with someone else. Other times, you really do love your ex and feel like the reasons for the breakup are things you can resolve and move past. For the purpose of this article, we’ll assume the latter.
Most breakups occur in one of two ways. Either there’s a significant event that takes place (cheating, a huge argument, uncovering some big lie, etc.) or one or both people simply lose interest in the other gradually over time.
The good news is, both of these situations can be dealt with effectively.
If your partner left you for someone else, you may feel like you aren’t good enough. You may feel like the other person must be better than you in some way, shape, or form. Otherwise, why would your ex leave you, right?
Wrong! Get those thoughts out of your head, right now!
Many times, these new relationships are nothing more than “false love”. They occur when someone experiences the feeling of “new love”…you know, those feelings of infatuation and initial attraction when you first get to know someone new. As you know, this initial attraction and infatuation eventually fades. Only then do two people find out if they are truly compatible or not.
And that brings us to mistake #1 that will keep you from getting your ex back: thinking that you aren’t good enough or that someone else they are seeing is better than you in some way.
The fact is, they aren’t better than you. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. You don’t need to corner your ex and demand they tell you why they are seeing someone else. Making a scene or becoming all emotional about it will only make your ex thank God they got out when they did. It makes you appear weak, needy, and extremely desperate.
The right approach is to respect yourself and not let it bother you. Your ex expects needy behaviour from you. When they see you are perfectly fine and even HAPPY without them, that’s what will make them stop and question whether leaving or breaking up was the right thing to do.
The next mistake that most people make is expecting their ex to change their mind and take them back immediately. That’s not how breakups typically work. Time and space are your friends, not your enemies. You can’t force the issue. Stop pleading, begging, cajoling, bribing and calling them non-stop.
At this point, you need to take a step back from everything. After a breakup, your emotions will be running higher than ever and will be all over the place. You don’t want to make any decisions in that kind of heightened emotional state. It never turns out well and you’ll regret everything later.
At this point, it’s a good idea to follow a “no contact rule”. At least for a little while. In Text Your Ex Back, relationship expert Michael Fiore teaches men and women how to use text messages to get an ex back after a breakup. Inside the guide, Michael says,
“If you and your ex just broke up a few days (or hours) ago, and you’re desperately trying to reignite the pilot light of your relationship, I’ve got some bad news for you. If you want REAL results with your ex, you’re going to have to wait.
Plain and simple, if you just broke up, there’s too much “stuff” around your relationship for you to be able to enjoy each other yet. You need to be cleansed by the healing hands of Father Time (don’t worry, I did a background check–he’s OK).
That’s why I absolutely REQUIRE that you take at least one month off from each other before starting to use the Text Your Ex Back system.
And by “off,” I mean you completely cut contact for a minimum of thirty days.”
Let your partner go for now. There will be plenty of time to get them back when your head is clearer. The truth is, when it comes to getting your ex back after a breakup, less is more. The less you do to win them back, the more they’ll want to come back to you. It’s weird. It’s strange. It makes no logical sense. But it works.
The third mistake that will keep you from getting your ex back is letting your emotions get the best of you. We touched on this a little earlier, but if you want to get your ex back, you don’t want to burn any bridges.
Yes, it hurts like hell. If you got dumped and aren’t sure why or got cheated on, then you’ll probably be angry as hell. You’ll want to make your ex feel the pain you’re feeling. This is why people shred pictures, upload nude photos of exes to the internet, scratch cars, slash tires, etc. But if you truly want a chance at repairing the relationship and getting your ex back, vindictive actions aren’t the answer, even if they feel good in the moment.
So bottom line: don’t over-react to the situation.