Ooo La La (Dating)
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Few things feel worse than going through a breakup. Those feelings are compounded when you’re the dumpee and not the dumper. The immediate and lingering effects can be catastrophic to one’s feeling of self-worth. Some people take years to fully recover from the emotional toll of a breakup. Others never recover at all.
To avoid the emotional turmoil of a breakup, your first instinct will be to try and save the relationship. Sometimes this is a bad idea because the relationship truly isn’t right for you, and you’re better off alone or with someone else. Other times, you really do love your ex and feel like the reasons for the breakup are things you can resolve and move past. For the purpose of this article, we’ll assume the latter.
Most breakups occur in one of two ways. Either there’s a significant event that takes place (cheating, a huge argument, uncovering some big lie, etc.) or one or both people simply lose interest in the other gradually over time.
The good news is, both of these situations can be dealt with effectively.
If your partner left you for someone else, you may feel like you aren’t good enough. You may feel like the other person must be better than you in some way, shape, or form. Otherwise, why would your ex leave you, right?
Wrong! Get those thoughts out of your head, right now!
Many times, these new relationships are nothing more than “false love”. They occur when someone experiences the feeling of “new love”…you know, those feelings of infatuation and initial attraction when you first get to know someone new. As you know, this initial attraction and infatuation eventually fades. Only then do two people find out if they are truly compatible or not.
And that brings us to mistake #1 that will keep you from getting your ex back: thinking that you aren’t good enough or that someone else they are seeing is better than you in some way.
The fact is, they aren’t better than you. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. You don’t need to corner your ex and demand they tell you why they are seeing someone else. Making a scene or becoming all emotional about it will only make your ex thank God they got out when they did. It makes you appear weak, needy, and extremely desperate.
The right approach is to respect yourself and not let it bother you. Your ex expects needy behaviour from you. When they see you are perfectly fine and even HAPPY without them, that’s what will make them stop and question whether leaving or breaking up was the right thing to do.
The next mistake that most people make is expecting their ex to change their mind and take them back immediately. That’s not how breakups typically work. Time and space are your friends, not your enemies. You can’t force the issue. Stop pleading, begging, cajoling, bribing and calling them non-stop.
At this point, you need to take a step back from everything. After a breakup, your emotions will be running higher than ever and will be all over the place. You don’t want to make any decisions in that kind of heightened emotional state. It never turns out well and you’ll regret everything later.
At this point, it’s a good idea to follow a “no contact rule”. At least for a little while. In Text Your Ex Back, relationship expert Michael Fiore teaches men and women how to use text messages to get an ex back after a breakup. Inside the guide, Michael says,
“If you and your ex just broke up a few days (or hours) ago, and you’re desperately trying to reignite the pilot light of your relationship, I’ve got some bad news for you. If you want REAL results with your ex, you’re going to have to wait.
Plain and simple, if you just broke up, there’s too much “stuff” around your relationship for you to be able to enjoy each other yet. You need to be cleansed by the healing hands of Father Time (don’t worry, I did a background check–he’s OK).
That’s why I absolutely REQUIRE that you take at least one month off from each other before starting to use the Text Your Ex Back system.
And by “off,” I mean you completely cut contact for a minimum of thirty days.”
Let your partner go for now. There will be plenty of time to get them back when your head is clearer. The truth is, when it comes to getting your ex back after a breakup, less is more. The less you do to win them back, the more they’ll want to come back to you. It’s weird. It’s strange. It makes no logical sense. But it works.
The third mistake that will keep you from getting your ex back is letting your emotions get the best of you. We touched on this a little earlier, but if you want to get your ex back, you don’t want to burn any bridges.
Yes, it hurts like hell. If you got dumped and aren’t sure why or got cheated on, then you’ll probably be angry as hell. You’ll want to make your ex feel the pain you’re feeling. This is why people shred pictures, upload nude photos of exes to the internet, scratch cars, slash tires, etc. But if you truly want a chance at repairing the relationship and getting your ex back, vindictive actions aren’t the answer, even if they feel good in the moment.
So bottom line: don’t over-react to the situation.
No one likes being involved with a woman who blows hot and cold for no apparent reason. One of the things we all naturally look for in relationships is stability.
Consistency on the part of our significant other is incredibly important. Going to bed with a woman who seems to love you and waking up to a “perfect stranger” can throw you for a loop and can leave you with feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, and general confusion.
You may be wondering why some girls seem warm and loving one minute and distant and aloof the next. Well, there are several possible answers to that question, and assuming you want to stay with your girlfriend, it’s worth familiarizing yourself with some of the reasons why you might experience hot and cold treatment from a girl.
Here are 4 possible reasons she’s hot one minute and cold the next…
She Wants Attention
Psychologists have long recognized this kind of behavior in children, and (sad as it may be) most of our childish behaviors are carried into our adult years, although they are sometimes veiled with some kind of thin rationale for the bad behavior. Children act out for a number of reasons: chief amongst them is a feeling of neglect.
If your girlfriend isn’t getting the kind of attention she expects or deserves from you, she may attempt to elicit a response by suddenly becoming unreachable or distant for no immediately apparent reason. If you suspect this is the case, a good way to resolve the problem is by talking to her directly about which needs she feels are going unmet in the relationship. You can cut out a lot of unnecessary game-playing with a direct conversation.
She Has Intimacy Problems
Some people have a problem opening up to others for fear of getting hurt. A common defensive mechanism among those with intimacy issues is to shut down emotionally and distance themselves from people whom they perceive as threats to their emotional well-being.
If your girlfriend thinks you may be in a position to hurt her, she may take steps to put some space between herself and you in order to lessen the potential for emotional trauma in the long run.
You’re Too Much
You may actually be the reason that you’re experiencing hot and cold treatment from a girl. Are you constantly texting your girlfriend, even when you know she’s in class or at work? Are you clingy, emotionally needy, possessive, or controlling?
These are questions that only you can answer honestly. But, if after some soul-searching, you discover you answer in the affirmative to one or more of the above questions, then your girlfriend may simply be instinctively (or consciously) running away from your excessive behavior.
Back off a bit. See if that changes things. If so, you’ll have identified the problem.
She’s Lost Interest
Maybe she’s done. This is a hard thing to face honestly, particularly if you’ve been with your girlfriend for a long period of time. But it is possible that her surprising hot and cold treatment is not a response to anything you’re doing or a result of personal trauma in her past. It may simply be that she’s through with the relationship, for whatever reason.
If you suspect this is the case, the best thing to do is deal with it head-on, and have an honest and (if possible) calm conversation about how the two of you are feeling. Although it’s only a slight consolation, you’ll no longer have to wonder.
We’ve all been there. That moment when you’ve initiated contact with a beautiful girl, but you still haven’t summoned up the nerve to ask her out yet. At this point, you’re well aware that saying the wrong thing can eliminate you from contention, but then again, not doing anything will close down the window of opportunity for good.
So it’s a good idea to do whatever you can to increase the chance that she’ll agree to a date. Unfortunately, most women are bombarded by offers from all sides, both online and offline, so it’s understandable if she’s a little stand-offish to begin with.
If you’re wondering what to say to a girl to get her to date you, it’s best to focus on harnessing a genuine connection with the woman you’re interested in. Here are some tried-and-true methods that will help tilt the odds in your favor:
1. Don’t make it a big deal.
While the process of asking a beautiful girl out may indeed be nerve-wracking, that doesn’t mean it’s life-and-death like many men make it out to be. Just make sure you get your message across and be done with it.
Act decisive and be upfront, but don’t get carried away with sounding too aggressive. And, whatever you do, steer clear of over-analysis paralysis. This means you don’t have to plan things too much. If she fancies you even a little bit, chances are she’ll either accept or, at the very least, keep you in mind for a later date.
2. Make sure you ask her out when your conversation is at an all-time high.
The interaction between a man and a woman has its own ebb and flow. It’s just human nature, and it’s in your best interest to identify these cycles and try to insert your dating proposal during one of the high points.
You can tell you’re at a high point when her reactions toward you are at their warmest. People often make decisions based on instinct, so it helps to ask them for something when they feel the most comfortable.
Don’t wait until the conversation grows stale and boring to ask her out. Great times to ask her out are right after sharing a common interest or after you share a good laugh over a story you tell.
3. Have something in mind for your date but run it by her, too.
Whether it’s going to your favorite ice-cream shop or getting tickets to the latest Spider-Man movie, it’s always smart to have a plan. But if you want to surprise her, you may end up finding out that she’s allergic to milk and has seen that Spider-Man movie twice already.
So, if it’s a successful first date you’re after, be sure to check with her first to see if she, too, would enjoy the plans you’ve come up with.
Here’s a really good tip regarding what to say to a girl to get her to date you: invite her to come with you rather than directly asking her out on a date. So don’t say, “Do you want to go on a movie date Friday night?” Instead, say, “I’m going to check out the new Spiderman movie on Friday night. You should come along.”
4. Whatever her answer, always keep your cool.
If it’s a go, then refrain from showering her with heart emojis right off the bat. Likewise, if it’s a no, respect her answer but remember that a “no” may very well turn into a “yes” down the line.
There are a million reasons she might say no, and it doesn’t necessarily mean she thinks you’re a creep. She probably really is busy, so just control your initial reaction and continue to joke around with her. Respectful persistence can be a very attractive trait in a man.
So now you know what to do when it comes to asking a beautiful girl out on a date. The key is to always keep your interaction short and sweet and never pretend to be someone you’re not. Do that and your gravitational pull around women will improve immeasurably.
Learn more about asking girls out on dates by visiting these terrific resources:
The concept of a “league” which divides everyone in the dating world is not entirely a fable. It is hard to deny that attractive people tend to attract one another and hook up – and, at times, people stay within their existing social classes (be they religious, economic, or otherwise) for romantic pursuits. Studies have shown that this is indeed a real effect, with partners with the highest social desirability often pairing up, although findings have also demonstrated that the situation is not nearly so black and white as the concept of “leagues” might lead us to believe.
The reason someone has for considering a potential partner out of their league is more than likely only one of a huge number of factors weighing on the chance of a successful romance. But the most limiting factor one can have is their own psychological constructs. If you believe that someone is out of your league and that dating them is truly impossible, it may be the case purely by ones own unwillingness to act due to preconceived notions of failure.
It’s All In Your Head
So the first step to get a girl out of your league is to abandon the concept of leagues altogether. Put your mind in gear with the knowledge that you are in a class of your own, and don’t need to worry about this old school notion of leagues. If you need help getting girls, read this post.
In a study of traits which romantic partners seek in each other in both long and short-term relationships, researchers demonstrated that so-called “internal qualities” such as intelligence and personality were more influential than “external qualities” like physical attractiveness and monetary wealth. The study also noted that men place a greater value on sexual desirability than women, who placed a greater value on social status than men did.
Quite likely, the most important factor in a relationship is the personalities of the people in it. If there is something between them which allows them to communicate effectively and enjoy each others company, this connecting factor has the potential to overcome any standardized notions of physical attractiveness or social class.
Bringing Emotional Intelligence To The Table
In a study conducted on 103 college students, researchers demonstrated that those who scored higher on tests for emotional intelligence reported higher levels of satisfaction with their interpersonal relationships compared to those who did not score as well. Emotional intelligence is an important factor in relationships: one which can often lend itself to a much more attractive personality.
Begin your education in emotion today by abandoning the notion of dating leagues and broadening your horizons of possible romantic partners. The best way to get a girl out of your league is to be suave, be charming, relax and be genuine, and when you find yourself at home in the company of a potential romantic partner, have no fear in trying to take it to the next level, no matter how often your buddies tell you shes out of your league.
For the man that lacks a strong personal identity and the self-confidence that comes with it, there is no pleasure in courtship, romance or seduction. Every interaction with the opposite sex is a chore.
Meeting women is a chore. Dating women is a chore. Getting women to have sex is a chore.
This type of man isn’t looking for someone to ‘share his life with’. Instead, he’s looking for someone that is as content to ‘settle’ for any relationship as he is. He’s looking for a woman to provide external validation of his non-existent self-worth.
Once this type of man meets a woman, however, he moves on to the biggest ordeal of all–keeping her sufficiently interested in him to continue the relationship. So once again he turns to the same online ‘dating gurus’ that he sought out when he was trying to meet a woman. Surely they’ll have a ‘technique’ or a ‘program’ that can teach him how to be interesting to women.
And it’s not just a ‘male problem’–women seek out advice and ‘techniques’ from their own gurus for the same reasons.
Being Interesting Is Not A ‘Technique’ Or ‘Method’
There is no big secret about how to keep a relationship partner ‘interested’. In fact, it’s a very simple process–you have to be interesting, and you have to be interested in others.
Like many things regarding relationships with women, the answers are found by looking inward. Sadly, there are plenty of men who think there’s a shortcut, and once they find the right ‘guru’ to share his technique or ‘method’, they’ll be downright magnetic toward women.
And there are plenty of gurus with plenty of tips on how to act and otherwise comport yourself in ways that women find interesting. The problem is that just mimicking the characteristics that ‘interesting people’ exhibit doesn’t do any good. It’s like thinking that you can become a doctor by dressing and talking like one. It’s all just an ‘act’ and at some point the subterfuge will be exposed.
Needy Men Are Not Interesting Men
For men, the root of their problems with women is a poorly developed sense of self and the lack of confidence that it causes. They can’t believe that a woman could find them attractive, let alone want to be in a relationship with them.
As a result, they generalize that the only reason that any man can attract a woman is by knowing the right ‘process’ in the same way that the right combination opens a safe. Alternately, they think that superficial improvements–a nice car or a muscular body–is the only thing coming between them and a bevy of beauties.
If this manner of thinking sounds demeaning toward women you’re right–it is. It suggests that women are incapable of the self-awareness to know what they find attractive in a man. Instead, a suitor just has to ‘push the right buttons’ and a woman will fawn all over him.
It’s just as demeaning to the men who feel this way. They don’t believe they have any value as a person, so the only way they can hope to enjoy female companionship is through a needy search for the right ‘method’. The external search for a ‘technique’ to keep a woman interested is especially futile After all, needy men are not interesting men.
To Keep A Woman’s Interest, Be Interesting
That brings us back to reality. The only way to keep a woman’s interest is to be interesting.
It’s the same dynamic as attracting a female by having the qualities that women find attractive. These are the same qualities that will make you a confident man of passion, integrity, and success. And there’s no shortcut to their achievement–it starts from within. For more on developing these qualities, read “Girlfriend Activation System Review – Breakdown Her Obsession Story And Get The Girl“.
You have to prioritize yourself and value yourself. Most importantly, you have to have a strong sense of personal integrity and live in a way that is congruent with who you are.
Men with a fully developed sense of self have no issues with being ‘needy’ or lacking confidence around women. They are well aware of their value as an individual, and this genuine self-esteem radiates in every situation. Most importantly, their self-worth isn’t derived from women, nor will they compromise their own integrity or the integrity of others in hopes of gaining favor with one.
This type of man has no problem attracting women, and since these qualities are genuine, he remains captivating and interesting in a woman’s eyes. A strong sense of your own identity is not just the best way to keep a woman’s interest; it’s ultimately the only way.
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One question that troubles many guys is, “How do I get a girl away from her friends so I can ask her out?” Getting a girl of your choice away from her friends has been a challenge for many individuals from time immemorial. Women value their social groups very much, this is why it is usually very hard to isolate them.
However, don’t be worried as there are ways that you can make use off, to get her away from her friends. The way a girl behaves in front of her friends can be very different from the way she behaves alone. This may be caused by the fact that, she doesn’t want to be seen by her friends as a loose person.
Today I’d like to talk about two different methods you can use to get one-on-one time with a girl so you can ask her out: the isolation technique, and using a wing man.
1. Isolation technique
Please ensure that before using this particular technique, you have some strong points supporting your course. Do not just pick on any particular girl, pick on the one whom is interested in you and you in her. You can know this by paying attention to these things; does she smile at you a lot? Does she look you a lot? Etc.
Begin your isolation quest by being biased towards her. You can do this by asking questions to her alone. Within no time her friends will notice that you two are engaged in a private conversation. Tell her that you want to show her something and before she answers, ask her friends to let you “steal” her away from them for a few minutes.
Once her friends notice that you two seem to be interested in each other, they will be obliged to let you take her away from them. Now that you have succeeded in getting her away, don’t blow your chance. Build a rapport with her, get her number and request for a date. Thereafter, take her back to her friends as promised.
2. Have a wingman
This is a simpler technique, but not as productive as the isolation technique. Take a friend with you to the date or the party etc. where your girl is. Let him be the one leading the conversation.
Choose the wingman carefully, ensure that he is funny and outgoing. Girls like people who are talkative and funny. This distraction created by him, will give you a chance to sneak out with the girl of your dreams for a few minutes; this will give you an opportunity to request for her contacts and a date as well.
The rules remain the same with those in isolation technique, please pick on the girl who shows interest in you and not any other girl.
There is this common misconception that extremely attractive women go for good looking men only. This is far from the truth. Contrary to popular belief, women aren’t so keen about looks when it comes to choosing who they date. You can be short, bald, dark, potbellied, thin or fit any other description of ”ugly” in societal standards buy still get a hot girlfriend.
This can be attributed to a number of factors discussed below.
1. Hot women are instinctively attracted to confident men
Since hot women are highly regarded in society, they get flooded with attention which makes them appear unapproachable from the eyes of any man who doesn’t consider themselves attractive. This is precisely why hot women reward men who are confident enough to approach them. It doesn’t matter how you look.
If you are confident enough to approach an extremely attractive woman, she will appreciate it and give you a chance (if she is available). It’s highly unlikely she will be rude and dismiss you if you approach her confidently with respect. You therefore stand a high chance of making her your girlfriend if you portray confidence from the first moment you meet her.
2. Power and security has nothing to do with looks
Have you ever asked yourself why women seem to be attracted to rich men yet most rich men aren’t the most attractive? Although most people label hot women as gold diggers, hot women and women in general don’t really go for money in its actual sense but the power and security that comes with money.
This explains why hot women will go for the ”ugly” rich fat guy as opposed to the broke guy with a perfect body. It is therefore a question of power and security as opposed to looks when dating hot women. If you have money, your looks will matter less. If you’re broke, you need to be extremely good looking and ambitious.
3. Being ”The Man” is the key
You can be ugly and get a hot girlfriend if you transform yourself to being ”The Man”. Being ”The Man” takes more than being rich and confident. If you want to finally get the girl you’ve always wanted, you have to represent everything that women naturally look for in a man.
For instance, you must never accept any misbehaviour from women. It is important to note that hot women tend to be more spoilt because they are usually flooded with attention. Hot women therefore tend to have unreasonable demands/requests which shouldn’t be fulfilled by any sane man regardless of their looks.
“The Man” never allows himself to be used by hot women. Please note that women despise men they can misuse. ”The Man” also doesn’t go out of his way to impress women he barely knows. He is himself at all times!
Most men remain confused about how they can ask a particular woman to go on a date. It’s a problem experienced by hundreds of men everywhere. Attracting a woman is not just about being handsome, but a lot more.
Here are 3 good ways to make yourself irresistible to women and attract any woman you want. For more, see this gfas review.
Always Be Prepared and Do Your Homework
In order to make a girl interested in you, it is very important to find out everything you can about her. This information will help you know what a girl likes and how you can get to her. It will also let you know if she’s already been taken or whether she likes you or not. However, it is important not to make the girl feel like you’re a stalker. Thus, you need to ask around casually to make sure you’re not committing a mistake.
Look and Be Your Best
It is important to understand that every woman likes to be with a good looking man. Good looks can be easily achieved without unnatural supplements, beauty products or surgeries. There’s a particular trait in every man which appeals to the opposite gender. You just need to develop this trait to make sure a girl is interested.
In addition to this, you need to be nice. Although this is common advice, it works everytime. You also need to feel confident. With a high self esteem, you will be able to attract a lot more girls and make them interested in you. Confidence and self esteem are two qualities women always find irresistible in men.
Don’t Go Overboard
Nobody likes a stalker or someone who goes overboard. The key to getting a woman attracted toward you is moderation. If you’re trying too hard to please the girl, she may consider you to be desperate and needy. You may even be taken for granted.
This part of your nature will attract the kind of girls nobody wants. They may be manipulative and try to take advantage of you. You should make sure you keep everything simple. In time, a good opportunity will present itself.
These were some of the most effective tips to be irresistible to women. You need to understand that most women want to keep it simple and straightforward. They want a man who’s charming, understanding, beautiful and easy going. In order to make sure you’re irresistible, you also need to consider how women think about relationships, and what keeps them interested.